Playing in the Dirt

I should have been working on paperwork or the pile of dishes. Instead I found myself in the midst of my flower bed. Instead of wearing my usual grubby flower bed cleaning clothes, I was wearing my jeans with a black belt, my little cute black shoes and a nice t-shirt.  What was I thinking?!!? The boys played outside. It was a beautiful day.  I decided to dig in the dirt.

I should have been checking my email to find out what important tasks or information I was missing related to my responsibilities.  Instead of wearing my gardening gloves, I was letting the fresh dirt sift through my fingers. My hands were dirty and getting scratched. I felt a worm squiggle across my fingers. The smells from the dirt transported me back to the days of making Oscar the Grouch soup in my mother’s bird bath.

I should have been taking care of paying bills and making phone calls. Instead I was digging up unwanted bushes. I thought of the flower beds we bought with this house almost twelve years ago. I thought about my pre-kids days when I would take a couple days off of work, my aunt would fly in from the Midwest and we would garden for days. Oh the money we spent on mulch and rocks and pretty flowers. Oh the time we spent running from store to store searching for the perfect perennial to put in the perfect spot.

I stepped away from the piles of pulled out bushes and raked up flower bed debris. How funny that in the midst of the bushes and dirt, I found enough lost sidewalk chalk to create a whole new bucket. The memories of yesterday combined with the moments in the present. And a whole new slate of dirt and openness to start to plan. A newness. A freshness. An opportunity to play in the dirt.

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

Thorns and Scars

I have a thorn in my foot. I know it can’t be big. It is from the bushes in my front yard. The ones that we have been talking about pulling out for years. They line the sidewalk to our front door. Five of them that came with the house. They are  the ones my kids and their friends trip over, run into, collide into and try to avoid.

I have a thorn in my foot. It has only been there a couple days. Every step I take hurts. I wash my foot and sit down with a stick pin. I try first to push it out with my fingers. The skin has already healed over it. I use the stick pin and start to dig into my skin. Just a little prick. Just a little tug. Just a little blood.

I had a thorn in the top of my wrist. I was in college. I had just moved on campus twelve hours from home. I was with a group of girls from the dorm. We were playing an impromptu game of volleyball in the front of the building. I went for the ball, lost my balance and went into a thorn bush. The giggles. The laughter. The fun. The simple time of only worrying about myself.

I had a thorn in my wrist. That thorn was there for days. I could see it want to come out of my skin. I could see the skin heal around it. I pushed on it with my right hand pointer finger and thumb. Squeeze here. Squeeze there. Almost have it out this time. Oh, not quite yet.

I had a thorn in my wrist. One day in class I was messing with the thorn-filled skin. I pushed one more time from either side with my fingers. Out popped the thorn. Straight up in the air. It was so simple yet took a lot of pushing, pulling, pressing and diligence. I now have a scar on my wrist where that thorn was for those days. A reminder of college, volleyball, a thorn bush, laughter, giggles and worrying only about myself.

I had a thorn in my foot. It is no longer there. It decided to come out after a little prying, after a little focus on my part, after using the correct tools.

It won’t leave a scar but this year. This year we will finally pull out those thorn bushes from the front yard. Not for me and the thorns I might get.  But for those I now worry about and the thorns they could get.

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

Simple Spaghetti

She made a simple spaghetti. Noodles and V8 juice. Yep. Just noodles and V8 juice.

I still remember sitting at her dining room table. Slurping. Laughing. Eating.

I make a more involved spaghetti. Whole wheat noodles. Pasta sauce. Ground beef. Mushrooms. Garlic. Seasoning.

My boys sit at my table. They slurp. They laugh. They eat.

Every time I sauté the mushrooms, garlic and seasoning, I think of her. As the ground beef is browning, I remember the way she would move around her small kitchen.

As I pour the whole wheat noodles into the boiling water, I chuckle at her plain white noodles. I wonder would she use whole wheat now.

As I pour in the store-bought three cheese sauce to simmer, I can almost taste the V8 juice. As I watch my boys eat, I think of sitting at the table with my siblings and cousins.

My boys cheer for my spaghetti. I’m sure I cheered for my grandma’s spaghetti. What I wouldn’t give to slurpe, giggle and eat at her table just one more time. Her simple spaghetti of noodles and V8 juice.

My grandma died in a car accident almost fifteen years ago. The older I get, the more I miss her.

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

Siblings who Create

I create with words.

My sister creates with fabrics.

My brother creates with photographs.

We are siblings who create.

It has been a long week here at my house. While I wish I had more time to write some deep insightful posts, my brain is begging me for short snippets of life.

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

The Word Count

Today I submit an article to a client. One of my favorite parts of the writing process is watching the number of words change until I meet the word count limit.  I thought I would share my word count process from this article.

The words are from 4 sources, 29 single pages of handwritten notes from the phone interviews, 9 typed pages of notes and snippets from 6 supporting documents from sources.

Word limit of article:  1700 words

READY. SET. GO.

2,761

2,321

2,365

2,155

2,230

2,196

2,180

An interruption of two battle droids (aka my two boys) who snuck into my office to “attack” me. They didn’t expect me to play along. I ignored them, “collapsed” on the floor and waited. Silence and then giggles.

2,186

2,102

2,116

2,109

2,092

2,135

1,988

1,918

1,925

1,924

1,843

1,825

1,775

1,765

1,686

Under the 1700 word count!

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

An (Athletic) Fraud

I feel like a fraud. An athletic fraud.

I am wearing a shirt that says“I tri like a girl so tri to keep up” on the front. On the back, it says “fast.”

I’ve competed in two triathlons. The first as a part of a relay team where I swam. The second all by myself: a swim, a cycle, and a 5K.  You can read about it on a previous blog post.

I still don’t think of myself as an athlete.

I’m not fast in swimming, cycling or even running.

I’m recovering from a hip and shoulder issue that has required almost weekly trips to the chiropractor for the past few months.  And a realization that I have one leg shorter than the other.

I’m not sure if I will be able to run again. So far, this shoe insert has helped keep my hip in place with walking and daily life. Now, I’ve slowly started back with sprints.

I’m hoping my shoulder will be strong enough to swim again. My chiropractor is now working on breaking up some icky scar tissue that has developed because my shoulder was compensating for my hip issue all these years.

I want to feel confident cycling again. I haven’t been on a bike for quite awhile because of a cancelled class and my injuried hip.

I have continued to lift weights over the past few months, which I know has made me stronger. Who wants to compete with some bench presses and Romanian Deadlifts?

I’m hoping I can feel strong enough in my mind, my hip and my shoulder to compete again this summer.

Maybe then I will consider myself an athlete.  But right now I think I’m a fraud. An athletic fraud.

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

Random Thoughts

Here are some of the random thoughts that went through my head Monday morning into early afternoon. I was going to continue through the afternoon and evening, but I didn’t realize how many random thoughts quickly go through my head!

I really should get up. I’m so spoiled with sleeping in on days like this.

Oh, great. Keith came home early from work because he got sick.

Oh no. The lady who delivers our mail is at our door, and I’m in my pjs. Hope I look presentable.

Exactly how does my kitchen floor get so dirty. I just swept it the other day.

Oh I hope I don’t get sick today. Wednesday would be a good day to get sick instead.

I should get Kory started on school today.  Math, Language Arts, Science and Vision Therapy. What independent work can I start him on first?  Math.

UGH!  Kory’s school-issued laptop is crashing again. Now to call in for the fourth time to have this resolved.  This time I am asking, no demanding, a replacement laptop instead of having repairs done as has happened the past three times. Do I start with nice Jessica or mean Jessica on the phone?

Back to schoolwork. Let’s start with a language arts.

Oh I have to start thinking about making lunch.  I think mac and cheese will work for today.  If they went to a “real” school, I wouldn’t have to worry about their lunches. LOL!

Oh this vein on my knee is starting to look gross. UGH. Are genetics catching up to me!!?

Will Kory just hurry up on his math already.

What to make for Keith for lunch. Chicken broth. Noodles. Done

Oh I have to leave in two hours for errands and vision therapy.  What do I have clean to wear today?

How many times do I have to remind my 3 year old to keep his hands out of his pajama pants.

Mentally calculate how to get the three of us ready to leave in an hour – and notice all the dirty dishes over the counter. They can wait until later.

Oh I wonder if that shirt hanging in my closet will finally fit this year. Yeah – it does!

Is that a bird I hear chirping? Spring. Spring. Spring.

Ugh. I really need to unpack my suitcase since we have been home for over a week now.

What random thoughts crossed through your head today?

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

A List of Middles

We are a family of four.  Two adults. Two children. Well sometimes one adult and three children. 😉

Our kitchen table has six chairs. Three on one side.  Three on the other side.  Two middles.

My sons fight over the middle chair on one of the sides.

They run to the table and almost dive to the middle chair.

“It is mine. I get the middle,” they scream as they run.

They seem to forget there are two middles. If they just took the time to see and focus on something other than beating the other, they would realize there are two middles. One on each side. One for each of them.

But they overlook the “other” middle.

What middles do I often not see…

Middle of the Oreo – Isn’t it truly the best part!

Middle of a Twinkie – I haven’t had a twinkie for quite a while.

Middle Earth – Wait is that real or imaginary?

Middle Finger – Oh, to explain that to a young child.

Middle C – I know where it is on my piano. Do you?

Middle Children – I’m the oldest child married to an oldest child. I so don’t get middle children sometimes. 😉

Middle Line Backer – Yes, my husband was helping me with this list. 🙂

Middle of the Donut – Reminds me of a funny donut story my college friend told me once.

Middle of the Night – When my kids typically get sick.

Middle of the Inning –  I thought of that sports one, not my husband.

The Middle Lane – Whether in driving or swimming.

What “middles” can you add to the list?

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

Laughter in the Midst of Grief

My son missed his own funeral.

Yes. You read that correctly.

My son missed his own funeral.

I can laugh at it.  It is one of the aspects of Aidan’s life that brings me a lot of laughter. It is where I can clearly remember laughter in the midst of grief.

Aidan only lived for 4 1/2 hours.  He was born, lived and died in the hospital.

I don’t remember much of the funeral planning.  While I was physically recovering from having a baby and some complications I had in those last days of pregnancy, my husband took care of all the details.

At the time we had only lived in Pennsylvania for about 2 years.  My husband’s family lives in Virginia.  My family in Minnesota.  We decided to bury Aidan in Virginia.

He is buried in a little country church cemetery.  It is a peaceful place with winds blowing across open fields.

Keith’s grandfather is now buried next to Aidan.  Their plots are on the end of the row approximately three or four rows in from the black garbage can at the end of the cemetery. Aidan’s grave marker sits crooked in the ground.  We never noticed that detail before.  Each time we say, “oh we need to have someone check into getting that fixed.”  Funny things to remember about your son’s grave site.

Back to the story…

Since Aidan’s body was going to be crossing state lines, the funeral director in Pennsylvania made arrangements for Aidan’s body to be flown to Virginia. Of course, it required a layover in Texas.

The day of the funeral, I was getting ready upstairs in the bathroom at my in-law’s house.   The phone rang.  I thought nothing of it.  Keith came upstairs to find me. He sat down on the closed toilet.  He said, “Um, there is a bit of a problem. Aidan’s body is stuck in Houston. He missed the connecting flight. He won’t be here for the funeral.”

And that is when it happened. The laughter.  Not a little chuckle. A deep rolling laughter.

My son. The one who defied odds. The one who shouldn’t have been born alive. The one I should have miscarried. The one who shouldn’t have squeaked at us for a few short hours.  He was having an adventure.  He was flying all over.  He was missing flights. He was traveling to a place I had never been.

He was missing his own funeral.

I remember my mother-in-law peeked around the corner as Keith and I laughed, hugged and then shed a few tears.  Yes. We were laughing.

It ended up being a beautiful funeral for our son. Instead of his casket being in place, we had a little display.  The few pictures we had of him. The baby blanket my sister had made for him. A few flowers.

And the next day, the immediate family gathered once again.  Just family.  Family that was saying hello to Aidan for the first time.  Family that was saying goodbye to Aidan.  Family that was shedding tears of not getting to hold this precious little boy.  Family that was grateful for the few hours they got with Aidan when he was alive.

I can still picture my mom and dad lovingly stand over Aidan’s open casket and gently touching his skin.   I can still see the image of Aidan’s uncles carrying the small casket to his grave site. The stillness. The quiet.  The reflection. The wondering. The questions.

And yes, the laughter.

Laughter in the Midst of Grief.

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.

I can’t do it all

Can I let you in on a little secret? Probably one that not very many people know.

I don’t clean my house.

What you scream?

Wait. I didn’t say I live in a dirty house. I simply said I don’t clean my house.

Yes, I pick up after myself. Yes, my boys are supposed to clean their own rooms. Yes, my husband helps with daily housework. Yes, the dishes are done. Well, they are almost done some nights.

For years I have struggled with keeping a clean house. I have tried different planning schedules. Yes, we have put a cleaning schedule on our fridge. I have tried different ways to help me stay on top of cleaning bathrooms, mopping floors, and dusting. I have tried different cleaning products that are supposed to save you time and energy.

Yet, it was never enough because there was always something else calling my name – time with my family, finishing my masters degree, taking care of my children, working out, working on a freelance project. You name it and it probably was keeping me from the time to clean.

Over the years, I have thought about having someone help me. When I worked full-time before kids, I thought about it. I’ve thought about it when I’ve had an incredible freelance load. I’ve thought about it while trying to balance my responsibilities with my husband’s responsibilities. I should note he is a wonderful help to keeping our house in order, but he also runs his own business, coaches baseball, spends a lot of time with our boys and finds time for himself too.

I always found some way to out-justify my desire to have someone help me. Sometimes it was the cost. Sometimes it was the fear of having someone see the nitty-gritty corners of dirt in my house. Sometimes it was just laziness of not knowing how to find help.

That changed this year thanks to my mom’s simple question, “have you thought about having someone help you clean your house.” I had to chuckle in a way because my mom is super busy too. I remember her always struggling to stay ahead of a clean house as she and my dad worked together to build their own business.

So I did it. I called a friend who cleans houses. I asked for her help. And I am so glad. It is one less thing for me to think about in the midst of freelance writing projects, homeschooling, managing the behind-the-scenes of my husband’s business and treasurer responsibilities for two non-profits in which we are involved as well as being a mom, a wife, and just me! It is one less thing to stress about in my life.

Why am I posting this today? Because this week she should have been here to clean my house, but she is on vacation. I miss my clean house as I remind myself to make sure to vacuum before she returns to my home in two weeks. I miss her help as I’m under a “real” writing deadline. I miss having her around to chat with while she is cleaning and I’m working, teaching, or anything else other than cleaning my house! I simply miss this important part of and friend in my life because “I can’t do it all.”

What gets pushed to the side of your life because you can’t do it all? Is there a way you can change that?

I’m attempting to take part in the “The Fifth Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge” through the month of March. The challenge is run by Two Writing Teachers.