It is hard to believe that today, December 27, 2011, I have a nine-year-old.

I think often about the verse that says, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”  Luke 2:19 (NIV).

And that is what I often do when it comes to Aidan. I ponder. I treasure.  Nine years later I still can sit back, tightly close my eyes and remember the vivid details that I want to remember.

I remember how 6 weeks early, he was 5 pounds 15 ounces.  I remember the only birthmark I saw… 6 fingers on each hand and 6 toes on each foot.  I can almost hear his little cooing.  I can remember holding him and tears flowing. I can remember being so tired. I can remember the nurses being pleased that he was responding as well as he was and taking him to put in a feeding tube.  I can remember Keith going with the nurses and Aidan in the NICU.  I can remember Keith coming back and turning on ESPN.  I can remember the nurse bringing Aidan back to us because he wasn’t doing well.  I can remember holding him and not seeing or hearing any breathing.  I can remember the nurse checking for anything to show he was still alive. I can remember her shaking her head no.  I can remember a nurse coming in to comfort us.  I don’t remember what she exactly said but I do remember that her first child died and she had many more healthy babies after that.  I remember the blood pressure cuff going off every five to ten minutes to monitor me.  I remember Keith’s parents and his brother being there as well as my brother.  I remember grieving with my husband.  I remember the doctor being so kind.  I remember the nurses being so kind.  I remember the tears – which can be as fresh today as they were nine years ago. But I can still remember Aidan.

Within four hours we said hello and goodbye to our Aidan.  I will never forget him.  I will forever be grateful for what he caused me to learn in life and in faith.  I will forever be sensitive to those who have lost a child (and you will rarely hear me asking someone how many children they plan to have or when they will have another). I will forever be sensitve to those who have decided to not continue a pregnancy. I will forever be grateful for those before and after us who have lost children and shared with us their stories – even those in my life growing up whose children died.  And I will forever be grateful for my two healthy boys since Aidan.

Happy Birthday Aidan. I know heaven is throwing you an amazing birthday party. And thank you for being a part of our life – as brief as it was.

** Aidan’s death was a result of a trisomy 13. A random extra chromosome that impacted his brain, heart and lungs – along with other organs.  We learned about his problems during a routine level 2 ultrasound and decided to continue the pregnancy. You can read more about his trisomy, birth and death at my previous blog site through this link.